Falling Along With the Rain
by hidden-in-a-tree
Summary: “In our lives, there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun.” –Unknown. Oneshot. Angst/Drama. Nick/Greg. Nick’s POV. Slash.


**Author's Note: **Probably the longest oneshot I've ever written, but bear with me here. I'm trying to get my creative groove back. Enjoy.

Oneshot. Angst/Drama. Nick/Greg. Nick's POV. Slash.

**Acknowledgements: **Amanda, my dear, if you don't know that I thank you deeply each and every time I write a story and you edit it for me, then you're even more oblivious than Cody. But I digress. Thanks a lot, love.

**Disclaimer: **Need I even report that I do not and will not own Nick and/or Greg? No, I didn't think so, but still.

**Summary: **"In our lives, there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun." –Unknown

**Falling Along With the Rain**

Nick crept silently down the darkened hallway, his bare feet making a whispering noise as they slid across the hardwood oak floor. At the end of the hallway was the living room, and as he neared it, he could see a light flashing and flickering. He knew it was the TV even before he entered the room, stopping as he stood behind the couch, watching what program Greg had been viewing before he'd fallen asleep on the floor, an Xbox controller inches from his right hand and the remote near his left.

Trying to be as quiet as he possibly could, Nick silently tiptoed to the slumbering younger man, bent down to grab the slim and black remote, and turned the TV off. Greg didn't even stir. For a minute or two, Nick just stood there, looking down at Greg's tussled hair, his pale face, and his fingers seemingly clenched around thin air. The right leg of Greg's faded green and white horizontal striped pj bottoms had ridden up, revealing a pale calf that seemed to glow without any external light.

"Aw, Greg," Nick sighed softly, his voice barely a murmur. "What am I going to do with you?"

It was the seventh night of their vacation (months ago, they'd both decided to stay home and enjoy each other's company) that Greg had made it clear he'd rather stay up playing video games and watching TV than fall asleep with Nick.

Nick knew their relationship was cracking, breaking, falling apart before his very eyes. He knew it had all started with him … him and his infuriating ability to just shut everything and everyone out randomly. Over nothing, he would just … stop communicating, leaving Greg hurt and utterly bewildered with his behavior, and try as Nick might, he just couldn't break out of his shell.

Greg wasn't completely faultless, though. After giving up on Nick (which took a surprisingly short time), he just stopped talking to him and stayed glued to the Xbox and Xbox Live. Nick tried not to think about the ramifications of their actions, but it looked grim.

When one person in a relationship spontaneously locks himself up … when one person would rather talk to his internet buddies than to his significant other …

Nick knew it was bad, but … he was mainly to blame. Every single day, he tried relentlessly to force himself to talk about what was bothering him (hell, he didn't even know what was bothering him), but he couldn't do it. It had been three days since Nick had actually spoken to Greg, and it'd been four days since Greg had replied to anything the older man had said.

With an inaudible sigh escaping his trembling lips, Nick picked up the controller and put it away by the others. He turned off the Xbox and also put away the open game cases. Now all that was left on the floor was Greg.

Usually he fell asleep on the couch, but evidently that was too much work for him, Nick thought as he went to grab a blanket and pillow from their bedroom. The house was eerily silent as he walked quietly but briskly through it, but he didn't pay the unwelcome emptiness any thought. Once he returned to the living room, he knelt down beside the sleeping man and tucked the blanket in around him. Once again, Greg didn't stir. Now all that was left was the pillow – the tricky part.

Nick wondered whether if he should leave the pillow beside the younger man's head, or if he should put it under him. He decided on the latter, which didn't prove to be much trouble. As if he were lifting something incredibly delicate and precious, Nick lifted Greg's head up and onto the pillow. Of course he would have preferred lifting Greg up and putting him to bed, but if Greg had wanted to sleep in a bed, he would have done so. Despite everything, Nick would respect his decision, even if it meant another night of sleeping alone.

After Nick was back in his own bed, the headboard light on and a book in his hands, he sighed loudly. He wished that all his ill-feelings would be expelled with the sigh, but of course they weren't. He wanted everything to go back to normal again. He wanted his absurd feelings to disappear. He wanted to be able to talk about anything at any time. But most of all … Nick wanted Greg to cuddle up to him like they used to as they were sleeping.

He put the hardcover book back onto the bedside table but didn't turn out the light. Reluctantly he probed his feelings, questioning everything. Maybe the reason he felt like this was because he somehow knew that this was going to happen? But because he felt like this, everything _had_ started to fall apart …

Nick felt a migraine coming on, so he raised himself up onto his right elbow and stretched out his hand to grab the coffee cup filled with cold water. He took a drink, letting the cold liquid swirl around his mouth before he swallowed. He put the glass back with a dull thud and fell back onto his plump pillow, staring fixedly at the opposite wall.

Maybe … maybe this was just his way of letting Greg go. Maybe their relationship was done. Perhaps it had splintered too much and the fragments had been blown too far away in the wind. They couldn't repair it.

He felt a lump rise up in his throat, his eyes burning and tears threatened to spill out over his bottom lashes. He dug his fingers into the duvet cover, using all his willpower not to start crying, but once again … maybe he wasn't strong enough.

Greg was everything to him. If this was the way their relationship was going to go – just fizzling out, then Nick didn't know what he'd do. He knew that he loved Greg. He knew that he would do anything for the younger man, and he'd been trying to express this almost constantly, but no noise would come out of his mouth. All he could do was stare at the back of Greg's head, silhouetted against the glare from the TV, and listen to him talk about a sniper who was hiding on top of a tower to whomever was in his party on Xbox Live at the moment.

In silence, their relationship was almost done.

"Nick?"

He looked away from the wall to see Greg standing in the doorway, the blanket over his right shoulder and the pillow underneath his left arm. His hand was on the door knob, as if he was almost thinking about turning around and leaving.

"Yeah?" Nick said, looking at the younger man. He hoped that his eyes had dried so that Greg didn't know he'd been on the verge of breaking down. But obviously that was too much to hope for.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Nick …" Greg began, taking a few hesitant steps toward the bed, "please tell me?"

Nick just gazed at the younger man. His long blonde/brown hair appeared to have haphazardly been brushed out of his eyes, and his eyes … they looked red-rimmed, as if he too had been about to cry … or perhaps Greg had already been crying …?

"I'm sorry I just … shut down. I'm sorry that you stopped talking to me. I'm sorry you'd rather sleep out in the living room than in here with me. I'm sorry that –"

"– Nick, I'm sorry, I should've –" Greg interrupted, but the Texan ignored him and kept talking, his voice getting louder.

"– we're in this position, hiding from each other in the same house," he finished, his eyes glazed over with tears, but his voice firm and hard. He stared unblinkingly at the younger man. Greg hung his head and shuffled his feet, digging the toes of his right foot into the beige carpet. He finally looked up, and Nick could see tears sparkling on his cheeks.

"I said I'm sorry, what else do you want from me?"

A warning bell was going off in Nick's mind. He knew he had to back up, take a deep breath, but there was anger and resentment hiding in his heart, in his soul. In the back of his mind, he was livid that Greg had given up so quickly. He was also furious at himself for locking himself inside his own mind in the first place.

"What else do I want from you, Greg?" Nick asked, pushing off the duvet cover and sitting on the edge of the bed, still gazing at him. "I want to know why you gave up on me so quickly. It's not like I decided one day to stop communicating with you. I – I just couldn't help it. And maybe if you had tried a little  
harder …"

It was Greg's turn to stare. His eyes shone darkly out of the gloom, more tears creeping down his cheeks towards his lips, which were set in a thin, straight line. His chin was quivering slightly.

"Do you honestly believe that?" he questioned, his voice flat and unemotional.

Nick shrugged.

"Well, I don't," Greg said quietly.

"We'll never know now, will we?"

"I can't believe you," Greg whispered, tears falling thickly from his eyes. His mouth was trembling violently, and his hands were balled into fists at his sides. "So first you lock me out and get angry when I try to talk to you about it, and when I finally decide I'm done with it, you –"

"I think it took, what, two days? Wow, you really tried hard, didn't you."

"Maybe that's all it took to realize that you were a lost cause!" Greg shouted. "Maybe to realize that this whole sham of a relationship was doomed!" He turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him.

_Doomed_. A _doomed_, _lost_ _cause_.

Nick felt hollow, empty, as if everything inside his body had fallen away, leaving nothing. His arms and legs felt oddly heavy, his head ached, and his eyes felt swollen.

He was a lost cause.

Greg had came to apologize, to make amends, but no – Nick had needed to pick a fight. In retrospect, he was the one who had obliterated their relationship. He was the reason it was doomed.

Even in Nick's darkest thoughts, he never thought it'd come to this. He never thought Greg regarded their relationship as 'doomed'. Nick loved Greg more than anyone on the earth. He'd do anything for the younger man, and now the threat of loss was extremely apparent – it was overwhelming.

A thrill of pure dread and terror stole through his body, electrifying his nerves. His fingers and toes tingled uncomfortably as he jumped to his feet and rushed out of the bedroom. He needed to find Greg, to apologize for everything. To tell him how he really felt.

The house was dark. Both the bathroom and the living room/kitchen were empty, devoid of any person except for Nick as he checked each one. With a blank mind, he found himself looking at the lock of the front door. It was now flicked to the left, meaning the door was unlocked.

Greg had left.

* * *

Nick had never known a darker couple of hours. Not just emotionally – literally as well. During the twilight, thunder clouds had rolled overhead, hiding the stars and the moon. Every so often, a distant rumble of thunder shook the house, and lightning flicked lazily from cloud to cloud, lighting up the nearly empty building.

He was all alone.

He felt beyond grief, beyond anything. Greg had never walked out on him before. Through all their stupid and heart-wrenching fights, neither one had ever left. They had slammed doors and barricaded themselves into either the bedroom or the bathroom, but they hadn't actually left the house.

Nick had gone too far, and he knew it. He knew he was the factor that had driven Greg out of the building, out of their relationship.

"So this is it," he whispered to himself, twisting his hands together in a knot as he sat on the couch, watching the light from the storm flash across his walls.

Was he just going to give up? Was he going to let Greg leave? Leave everything behind? Or was Nick willing to hasten after the man he loved, throwing away his own insecurities and hoping that the words he hadn't said yet would be enough to fix this gaping hole in their relationship?

Once more, he glanced at the door. Lying in front of it was the blanket Greg had draped over his shoulder. He must've dropped it as he left …

Steeling himself for the rain, the cold, and the wind, Nick stood. Even if it was useless, even if it was futile and pointless, he needed to talk to Greg. He needed to tell the younger man that he loved him, and that he was sorry he let himself bottle up his feelings and thoughts.

Standing just outside the front door, Nick was buffeted by the wind and the incredible smell of wet asphalt. Lightning rapidly danced from the sky as thunder rumbled all around him, making the very ground shake.

It was one hell of a storm.

Nick took a few steps down the stairs, his eyes raking the surroundings. He didn't have a clue as to where Greg went. He knew the younger man hadn't brought his car keys with him, so Greg must be traveling by foot, but where had he gone?

As a particularly brilliant fork of lightning split the sky, Nick's almost black eyes fell upon the park across the street. No, Greg couldn't be that  
dim …

Nick tore down the rest of the stairs, his footsteps barely audible against the howl of the wind, the roars of thunder. Greg wouldn't go sit in a park filled with huge trees during a thunderstorm. No –

He continued to run even as he entered the darkened park. His feet slipped on the wet grass, and soon his shoes were soaked through. Come to think of it, he was drenched anyways; his clothes were stuck to his body due to the extreme torrent of rain that appeared to be trying to drown the world.

Nick slowed down after almost falling for a fourth time. His chest was heaving with something short of terror, and he knew his breathing was ragged and harsh. He couldn't hear it, though; the storm made sure of that.

Before long, however, Nick knew that he would never find Greg in amidst the trees. Everything was almost pitch black, save for when the lightning brightened up his environment. Greg could be anywhere.

He didn't want to give up, though. He didn't want to give up like Greg had given up. He knew the younger man was out here somewhere – he could feel it. Nick also knew that Greg needed him. That much was certain.

As a huge bolt of lightning tore through the trees, and the boom of thunder shook the earth, Nick knew that it was no use. He was standing in a danger zone. But Greg – he had to find Greg.

More lightning showed Nick everything around him as he slowly revolved on his heel. More light revealed a figured standing under a rather large, deciduous tree not far off. Within a heartbeat, he was sprinting towards the person he knew was Greg.

"ARE YOU STUPID? Why the HELL are you standing underneath one of the BIGGEST trees in the whole DAMNED PARK?" he bellowed, grabbing Greg by the shoulders and pulling him away. Greg threw off Nick's hands, though, and stood rooted to the spot, his eyes glinting eerily in the darkness.

"Yeah, I must be stupid for falling in love with a man who spontaneously barricades himself inside his own head!" he shouted back, his words almost drowned out by another ear-splitting rumble of thunder.

"So that means you came out here to commit suicide?" Nick hollered, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"Yeah, maybe I did!" Greg screamed back, advancing a couple of feet. "Maybe that's better than being with you!"

Nick froze. All he could do was stare blankly at Greg's outline, his mind dulled and seemingly senseless as he intoned to himself: no, he didn't mean it. He didn't mean it.

"You … you didn't mean that," Nick whispered, a cold venom steeling through his veins, numbing every appendage.

Somehow Greg heard him.

"How do you know I didn't mean it?" he asked roughly, his hands balled into fists at his sides, his face screwed up in fury.

"Because … because you love me," Nick muttered softly, his words faltering. He felt like he was plummeting farther and farther down into a mineshaft that had no ending except the center of the earth, where he would burn up and die. Nick was grasping at straws, trying in any way possible to make Greg's words false. Who said that he loved him anymore? After everything they'd been through, Nick wouldn't blame him if Greg's love had also fallen down … down … down and out of sight.

Greg snorted, a look of disgust on his face. "Yeah, I thought I loved you. Fuck, was I ever wrong."

Nick felt himself sway and fall forwards onto his knees, gazing up with tears erupting from his tear ducts. His mouth worked furiously, but no sounds came out. Greg just looked down him his, his eyes emanating an inner chill out of the darkness.

More lightning flashed around them, but Nick took no notice.

His world had ended. This was it. The building he'd spent his whole life constructing had just fallen in on him. Time to die now. Please, God, if you were out there – let him die. How he wanted to be out of his misery.

Finally, Nick found his voice. "I'm sorry!" he said, his chin jerking terribly as he forced out the shrill apology. "I'm sorry! It's always my fault, isn't it? I'm SORRY!" The last word echoed in the quiet between rumbles of thunder, in the stillness of raindrops about to hit the sopping grass … the silence in-between heartbeats.

"I'm sorry I'm such a screw up! I'm sorry I ruined the one thing that meant the world to me! I'm s—sorry that you hate me! I'm – I'm sorry that I locked you out for n – no reason! I'm SORRY!" Nick screamed in a tortured voice.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind – the rational and sane part – he calmly understood that this was what despair felt like. Utter and undeniable despair. He also knew that by this point in time, it was probably pointless to even say another word to Greg, but if he had chased after the younger man, then dammit he was going to tell Greg how he actually felt. Even if they were the last few words he'd ever say to him.

Still looking up at Greg, with his knees soaked through and his head pounding, Nick said in a softer voice, "I'm sorry I never told you how much you meant to me. I'm sorry that you've been my whole life for years and I never told you that. I'm sorry –"

"Stop apologizing," Greg interrupted gruffly.

A raindrop trickled down the length of Nick's nose and clung to the end of it as he stopped in mid-sentence. He waited.

Greg took a step back, towards the large tree right behind him, and considered the man kneeling on the ground. His face was unreadable in the shadow cast by the deciduous growth adorned with leaves. After what seemed like a century, he said, "I don't care."

That was too much for Nick. The world spun in front of his eyes and he fell forward, the smell of the earth in his nostrils before he completely blacked out.

* * *

Nick came to very slowly. First he realized that he no longer felt rain falling onto his hair. Secondly he realized that he was warm now, quite warm and cozy under something that felt like a fleece blanket. And thirdly, he noted that the storm must've passed because he couldn't hear the roar of thunder anymore.

He gently opened his eyes and peered out at his well-lit living room. He moved his head to the right, and he could see Greg quietly moving around the kitchen with his back to Nick.

After a minute or so, Greg turned back and didn't seem all that surprised at finding Nick awake.

"I was wondering when you'd finally come 'round," he said, setting a cup of tea in front of Nick before sitting in the oversized chair kitty-corner to the couch. He pushed himself deeper into the chair and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his blue and black checkered pajama bottoms. Greg must have changed sometime during Nick's dip into obscurity.

"Thanks for, y'know, bringing me home," Nick mumbled, pushing himself up into a sitting position and grasping the steaming mug on the coaster on the coffee table. He took a sip of the chamomile tea, and was slightly bewildered that even at a time like this Greg still knew exactly what to put in the hot drink: plenty of milk and sugar.

Greg shrugged inside his large green hoodie. "I couldn't exactly leave you out there. You would've drowned, probably."

Nick shook his head, took another sip, and then said, "It wasn't raining that much. I doubt I would've –"

"Look, Nick, it doesn't matter. I brought you home. That's all that really needed to be said," the younger man interjected, his eyes flashing slightly. Nick said no more, but took another draught of his drink, feeling the heat wash over him.

After a prolonged silence, Greg began to fidget. He would roll his shoulders slightly, move his jaw from left to right, glance at Nick, and then go still. The cycle would then repeat itself. Nick knew all he had to do was wait it out, even though his mind was now burning with questions he wanted – no, needed – to have answered.

"Out there, tonight, when I said – when I said –" Greg began, quickly casting a look at Nick before staring past him at the kitchen "– that I didn't care, you didn't really give me a chance to finish what I meant."

"That statement seems pretty clear," Nick muttered into his cup.

Greg shrugged again. "Not to me. It wasn't that I didn't care that you were sorry or that I didn't care about how much you loved me. I just …"

"You just what?"

Greg sighed and shifted his weight slightly in the chair. He fixed his eyes upon Nick's. "I didn't care because you were apologizing for so much that wasn't your fault at all. I didn't care that you'd never told me how much I meant to you, because I already knew that. Some things just … don't need to be said, I guess. I – I couldn't handle you taking the blame anymore." He got out of the chair and came to sit on the coffee table, beside the mug Nick had just put down. "I realized that as much as I wanted to make you the bad guy, I also played a part in all of this. And … and if I really loved you, I couldn't let you fall alone."

Nick's face remained impassive as he tried to digest everything. Another feeling was spreading throughout his body – relief. Pure, amazing relief.

"Although, I guess you sort of did fall alone. As it were," Greg said, smiling weakly at his own joke. Nick felt his own face split into a grin as well.

The storm had passed. Of course, they would have to deal with the damage later, but right now … right now it would just be nice to go out and jump in the standing pools of water left by the rain.


End file.
